


Dream Boy

by jenominn



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Happy Ending, Kissing, M/M, chenle gets mentioned like once, jeno plays soccer, jisung's there for literally one scene but basically resolves the entire conflict, maladaptive daydreaming, poor jeno, renjun's a savage, renmin are best friends, slightly inspired by the movie ruby sparks, some steamy scenes OOP, sprinkles of markhyuck, with angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:41:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24560992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenominn/pseuds/jenominn
Summary: Jaemin, who has a passion for writing, has created this perfect image of whom he calls “Dream Boy”. He daydreams and writes scenarios of his ideal soulmate, later meeting Lee Jeno, who at first, perfectly manifests the dream boy he created. He gets to know Jeno more, soon discovering Dream Boy and Jeno are a lot different than he originally perceived. Because of this, Jaemin gets disappointed that he thought he met his idealist love. Jeno starts to fall hard for Jaemin, but the feelings aren't exactly reciprocated anymore.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 32
Kudos: 212





	Dream Boy

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! this is my first nomin novella! i hope you like it and i appreciate any comments <3
> 
> follow my nomin au twt account if u want: jenominau

_He was somebody who had a face where you couldn’t help but stop and glance for a moment. His eyes were expressive and bright with humor. The more he smiled, the more they would form into beautiful crescents, resembling the moon. They would shine brightly, illuminating the rest of his features. His soft lips were perfect for kissing. His round face complimented his silky hair that danced in between a light and dark brown shade. Although his face was very defined and strong, there was also a cute element to it. But it didn’t just stop at his face. It was no surprise that he had a lot of muscle when he often—_

“I’m home!”

Jaemin’s eyes widened as he quickly slammed his laptop closed, wincing at the amount of force he put into it. He turned around in the desk chair to meet his roommate who was giving him a suspicious look.

“I thought you weren’t supposed to be back till six,” Jaemin mentioned, quickly turning back to see if his laptop was cracked until putting his attention back on his roommate.

Renjun put his bag on the floor and took off his jacket. “Practice got cancelled.”

Jaemin nodded and the two looked at eachother, a slight tension growing. It was only a couple seconds later when Renjun ran over to the desk and took his laptop, making his way to his bed. Jaemin got up and tried to grab his shirt to stop him but Renjun beat him. He opened the laptop and typed in the password while Jaemin was on top of him, trying to grab it.

He started reading. “He was somebody who had a face where you couldn’t help but stop and glance for a moment.”

“Huang Renjun, give me my laptop back right now!”

Renjun didn’t take his wrestling match as a challenge, getting up and walking over to the other side of the room while laughing as he read. “His eyes were expressive and bright with humor. The more he smiled--”

Jaemin finally defeated him, slamming his laptop closed again before taking it in his hands. “You’re dead, Huang Renjun.”

The other kept laughing and made his way back to his bed to sit against the headboard. “You, my friend, are never going to find love.”

Jaemin humphed and walked over to lie down next to Renjun. “I will. Have you seen me? I’m more handsome than most of the population. And I’m hella cute. Look.”

Renjun was now on his phone, scrolling through his Instagram feed while ignoring Jaemin’s “cute” face.

“First of all,” he started, still not bothering to look at his roommate. “Don’t say “hella” ever again. Second of all, you constantly writing about this dream boy your head created is going to end up with you not wanting to actually date anyone. You’re too in love with a fictional character.”

“Okay, well, I’ll eventually find someone who lives up to my expectations.”

“Which are ridiculous. You’re gay, Jaemin,” he said, finally making eye contact with his best friend.

Jaemin’s jaw dropped in defense. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“It means you like men. And men are garbage. You’re not going to ever find anyone like your dream boy.”

Jaemin closed his eyes, refusing to believe Renjun’s words when he knew he was right. “One can dream.”

“Renjun! Finally, you’re here.” Jeno ran to the petite boy, catching his attention.

“Sorry I was late, my professor kept me longer than usual,” he responded, putting down the gallon cooler with a grunt.

“You’re the cutest and smallest waterboy I’ve ever seen in my 7 years of playing soccer,” the captain chuckled, taking the cooler and helping him bring it to the side of the field. The rest of the team made its way over, commenting on how thirsty they were.

“I’m older than you,” Renjun mumbled under his breath with an unamused expression, walking over to the rest of the team. He sat on the bench while watching the team quench their thirst like wild animals.

“Our first game is tomorrow,” the coach intervened, earning cheers from the team. “Now remember the strat we discussed today. When you see your opponent…”

Renjun sighed and looked out onto the field, tuning out the sound of the coach. It wasn’t that he hated his job. It had a decent pay and the hours fit his schedule nicely and he didn’t have to do much. It was just… boring. Especially on days like these when he didn’t have any homework and didn’t feel like drawing. It was even more boring when the manager of the team and one of his closest friends, Donghyuck, wasn’t here to keep him entertained.

“Injunie!!” The familiar nickname had him snapping his head to the direction of the voice, seeing his best friend and roommate smile and wave at him.

He got up as the blue haired boy made his way over. “What are you doing here?”

Jaemin took his backpack off and opened it, getting out a tupperware container. “You said you didn’t have time to eat lunch today. You can’t just work on an empty stomach when it’s already almost dinner time.”

“You’re such a mom,” Renjun smiled, taking the container and lightly tapping it on Jaemin’s head. “You didn’t have to do this for me, you dork. I don’t know how you manage to cook when we live in a dorm.”

“Portable burners do wonders,” Jaemin smiled back with a wink, only to find the smile falling into a gape a second later.

Renjun’s eyebrows furrowed at his friend’s sudden change of expression. “You seeing stars or something?”

“Oh, I’m seeing stars, alright,” he replied, still in something of a trance. 

Renjun looked over and tried to see what he was staring at. “Jeno? Really?”

Jaemin snapped out of his gaze. “Renjun, you don’t understand. I’m feeling a feeling that doesn’t exist right now.”

“Good luck with him--”

“He’s my dream boy.”

“What?”

“My dream boy,” Jaemin repeated, putting his eyes back on the handsome face. “He’s exactly how I described him in my writings. And in my dreams. That’s him, that’s my dream boy!”

Renjun shushed him, giving him the same look in his eyes as a mom on a phone call would give their child when they were being too loud. “Keep it down, will ya?”

“Renjun, you need to tell me everything about this boy. He’s Dream Boy. It’s him. Holy shit, he’s so perfect. I found him!”

The brunette rolled his eyes and directed his friend towards the bleachers, away from the team so they couldn’t hear. The two sat on the cold metal as Renjun spoke. “Why the hell would I know anything about him? I don’t talk to him.”

“You were the waterboy last year, you have to know something about him,” Jaemin whined, linking his arm around the other and shaking it. “Renjun, you don’t understand how I’m feeling right now. I don’t even understand how I’m feeling right now.”

Renjun looked out at Jeno, trying to gather any information he knew about him. “Uhh… well, his name is Lee Jeno and he became the captain this year. I’ve been to his apartment once. He has a cat. He’s… chill, I guess. Um… I don’t know. I literally don’t ever speak to him unless it’s about fucking water or some shit. And aren’t you supposed to be at Chenle’s right now to study?”

Jaemin looked at the time on his phone with wide eyes. “Shit, you’re right.”

He put his backpack on and stood up. “This conversation is not over yet, Huang Renjun. Seriously, that’s him. He’s the one I’ve been looking for all this time.”

He bent down and gave his friend a sloppy kiss on the cheek, causing Renjun’s face to scrunch up in disgust. “Adios, amigo!”

Renjun took the collar of his shirt and wiped the spit off, not bothering to wave back at his friend who already ran off.

_He was a lover of the limelight. Although there was always a bit of a mysterious side to him, he was the loudest voice in the room. He was never shy around anyone, but especially me. He was opinionated and well spoken. If you disagreed with him, he would never argue, and instead would just pity you for being “wrong.” Not only was he extraordinarily funny but he was smooth with his words; romantic. He loved to share pleasure and excitement. He took everything at face value. He accepted every part of who I was. When there was a problem, he would talk about his feelings. He radiated confidence, with a bit of an ego, but never choosing to hold any grudges. He always wanted our relationship to be perfect with no misunderstandings. He was bold and daring, never afraid of anything spontaneous. On the contrary, he was emotional and caring. He would always cry at a sad movie. He would show his anger when he was stressed. He would do anything to show that he loves me._

“Come to the game tomorrow.”

It was the next day and he didn’t even notice his roommate’s sudden presence until Renjun closed his laptop.

Jaemin sat up from his bed and set his computer aside. “What game?”

“The soccer game. I’ll be on the sidelines so I can’t sit with you but you can take another friend if you don’t wanna go by yourself.”

“Will I get to meet Jeno?”

“That’s the plan. You come early and just pretend you’re tagging along with me. Then spark up a conversation with him naturally—since you insist you’re so good at flirting.”

Jaemin laughed from amusement. “Wait, so you’re actually doing this for me? You don’t think I’m crazy?”

“No, you’re definitely crazy,” he replied without hesitation. He walked over to his side of the room and sat on his bed, continuing to snack on the chips he was eating. “I just think that if you get in a relationship with Jeno then you can stop obsessively fantasizing over that Dream Boy, which, by the way, is becoming very unhealthy.”

“Jeno is my dream boy though,” Jaemin insisted. “This is like… fate. And besides, I’m a hormonal 19 year old boy who’s never been in a relationship. I only have so many options to satisfy myself while single. It’s better than moping around and complaining.”

“Jaemin, it’s unhealthy. And addictive. You used to write about so many stories but these past like… three months you can only write about your dream boy.”

Jaemin ignored him. “Did you know that Dream Boy is a football team captain? Tell me that’s not a coincidence. Jeno plays soccer. He’s the captain. He’s literally my dream boy.”

Renjun shook his head with a sigh. “You give me a headache, Na Jaemin.”

“I’m nervous. This is much more nerve wracking than I would have thought. Junnie, I can’t do this.”

Jaemin wishes he had the constant confidence Renjun did. It wasn’t until he met Renjun that Jaemin was able to find more confidence.

He used to think having confidence took a while to find and it’s something you have to gradually build. He’s always been faking confidence in hopes of finally becoming completely confident. Renjun debunked that myth and made Jaemin realize that confidence is something right in front of you. It only takes a second to find.

It all occurred to him when he was at a restaurant around a year ago, ordering to-go food and he could barely talk because he had a cold. He sounded like a clown whenever he opened his mouth. He had no confidence in ordering food that night. There was a huge chance of him making a fool out of himself. So he called Renjun. 

_“Na Jaemin, you either anxiously order your food, knowing you might make a fool out of yourself and then cry about it afterwards or you order your food with confidence, still knowing you might make a fool out of yourself, but not give a shit about it. Either way you’re still going to have to order the food. Pick one.”_

After that call, it only took him a second to find confidence for that moment. He went up and ordered the food, even though it took a while due to his throat, but it was because of Renjun’s words that he made it through. Jaemin couldn’t believe it only took a second to find that confidence.

But when it comes to talking to the boy he’s been dreaming about for months every second of the day, he found that confidence impossible to find.

The two boys were in the locker room, along with the rest of the rowdy team, but hidden away where they couldn’t be seen. 

“Na Jaemin, you either talk to him with no confidence, with the chances of fucking up and embarrasing yourself and then cry about it afterwards, or you go and talk to him with confidence, giving you less chances of fucking up and embarrasing yourself but not give a shit about it. Or you could just walk away and regret the chances you didn’t take.”

Jaemin hated that Renjun was always right. Looking at Jeno in that moment, smiling and laughing so beautifully, made Jaemin feel so insecure.

“I can’t do it, Junnie. I feel like I’m gonna puke.” He took his eyes off of Jeno and left the locker room and onto the field, Renjun following behind.

“Jaemin, seriously?” he stopped his friends in his tracks. “You’re just gonna give up that easily?”

“Can you give me his number instead?”

Renjun blinked, taking a second to reply. “You want to text him?”

“Yes.”

“Nana, I just don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I won’t tell him I got his number from you. I’ll just say I got it from one of his friends.”

Renjun was hesitant, debating on his final answer. “Fine, I’ll give you his number. Just… be your natural self and don’t scare him.”

The soccer game was a painful hour and a half wait. He even looked up online how long a soccer game lasted about halfway through. It was even more painful when his phone was burning in his pocket the entire time; he just wanted to text Jeno. There would be much less confrontation that way.

Jaemin barely knew anything about soccer, but it was obviously Jeno was the ace of the team. He tried to keep himself from drooling everytime he looked at the captain running around all sweaty.

The two boys got home and Jaemin plopped on his bed, pulling out his phone while the other went to use the showers. He typed in Jeno’s number, using the message he formulated during the game.

_**Jaemin:** you played well tonight xx_

After pressing send, regret already paid him a visit. He could only think of all the worst possibilities. It only took about two minutes for him to get a reply.

_**Jeno:** uh… may i ask who this is?_

_Okay, fair question. Just be yourself and flirt a bit. You got this._

_**Jaemin:** you don’t know me  
_ _**Jaemin:** i just think ur really cute  
_ _**Jaemin:** i got ur number from ur friend btw_

_**Jeno:** oh um. thank you very much_  
_**Jeno:** what friend?_

_**Jaemin:** he told me not to tell you_

Jaemin was surprised Jeno wasn’t taking a while to respond. It was all within a few minutes.

_**Jeno:** i see_  
_**Jeno:** well this is going to disappoint you_  
_**Jeno:** i’m sure you’re a beautiful and sweet girl_  
_**Jeno:** but i’m not looking for a relationship right now :( i’m sorry_

  
_**Jaemin:** i’m not a girl_

****

_**Jeno:** what?_

Jaemin mentally and physically slapped himself on the face. “You fucking idiot! What the fuck? Why did you say that?”

His shaky hands did his best to type out a response.

_**Jaemin:** shit i’m sorry oh my god_  
_**Jaemin:** i’m sorry if i made you uncomfortable, i shouldn't have typed that_  
_**Jaemin:** i’m so stupid, i’m so sorry._

_**Jeno:** no no, it doesn't make me uncomfortable_  
_**Jeno:** it’s just no guy has ever texted me like this before_

_**Jaemin:** oh_  
 _ **Jaemin:** that’s relieving_  
 _ **Jaemin:** so you didn’t mind me flirting with you?_

_**Jeno:** no_

_**Jaemin:** okay_  
 _ **Jaemin:** i know u said ur not interested in a relationship_  
 _ **Jaemin:** but can i tell you something?_

_**Jeno:** of course_

_It's either now or never, Jaemin._

_**Jaemin:** i think you’re the most handsome boy i’ve ever seen_  
_**Jaemin:** it’s like you came right out of my dreams_

_**Jeno:** what’s your name?_

Jaemin did a double take. Is he trying to flirt back? There’s no way… he’s the captain of the soccer team. It’s only inevitable that he’s straight. Maybe he’s just trying to mess with him.

_**Jaemin:** um_  
_**Jaemin:** i’m sorry, i don’t want to out myself_

_**Jeno:** then what can i call you?_

Jaemin dropped his phone onto the bed. There was no way this was real.

_Quick, come up with a response, you knucklebrain!!_

He picked up his phone and typed the first thing he thought of.

_**Jaemin:** nana_

_**Jeno:** nana? that’s cute_  
_**Jeno:** i bet you’re very cute nana_  
_**Jeno:** do we go to the same school?_

_**Jaemin:** yeah, i major in creative writing_

_**Jeno:** i see. a man good with his words_  
_**Jeno:** cute._  
_**Jeno:** i hope to see you around then_  
_**Jeno:** next time you see me say hi, okay?_  
_**Jeno:** goodnight nana xx_  


****

Jaemin couldn’t believe his eyes. He blinked several times to truly see if he was just in another one of his daydreams. Feeling the sudden urge to scream, he muffled his mouth with his hands and kicked his feet while letting out a high pitched noise. This couldn’t be real.

His best friend walked in the door, entirely too used to Jaemin’s behavior that he didn’t even bat an eye or question it and just strode over to his side of the room.

“Renjun, look. Look, look, look.”

Jaemin walked over and held his phone out in front of his best friend while he continued to dry his hair with his towel.

After reading it, he replied, “You lucky asshole.”

Jaemin did his best not to scream again, walking over to his laptop before sitting on his bed. He spent the rest of the night changing “football captain” to “soccer captain” in his writing.

Jaemin decided to tag along with Renjun to practice, insistent upon seeing Jeno again. The team was practicing a game today and not any drills, meaning the manager sat out.

“Someone has googly eyes for a certain captain,” Donghyuck teased, pinching Jaemin’s cheeks.

The three boys were on the bench, Jaemin being in the middle. Jaemin met Donghyuck through Renjun last year and it didn’t take long for all three to become close friends.

“Don’t act like I don’t see you constantly staring at Mark,” Jaemin teased back jokingly, and the other stayed silent after that.

Renjun and Jaemin both looked over at their friend with concern. Donghyuck always made sure he got the last laugh; he would never let a comeback like that slide.

“I’m gonna tell you a secret. Promise to still be my friends after this?”

The two other boys nodded in unison.

A few seconds of silence passed by. “Mark and I are dating.”

Renjun gasped, shooting out of his seat and pointing to Donghyuck. “No way! I called it! I fucking called it!”

Donghyuck got up after him and covered his hand over his mouth, looking back at the team to make sure they didn’t hear their conversation. The two boys sat back down.

“You guys aren’t surprised or anything? Or mad?”

“Why the fuck would we be mad? Especially when neither of us are straight.”

Usually Jaemin would be furious if his best friend outed him but he thought this time was appropriate so he kept himself from scolding Renjun.

Donghyuck’s jaw dropped. “Are you serious? We’ve been friends for over a year and we haven’t known this about each other?”

Renjun shrugged his shoulders. “I guess not. See? Jaemin has had his eyes on Jeno these past few days.”

Now Jaemin wanted to scold Renjun. He gave his best friend a threatening look before his loud mouth could say anymore.

“Mark is Jeno’s best friend. I hang out with him a lot.”

Jaemin was quick to interrupt. “What is he like?”

Donghyuck began stating his grocery list of traits. “Very soft and caring. A lot of spontaneous bursts of energy. A bit shy and timid at first so you have to be close to him for him to be comfortable around you. He’s super fucking funny when he doesn’t try. Never shows a lot of emotion. That doesn’t make him unemotional though, I think he’s just bad at being expressive. This is just from my observation. Also a bit insecure.”

Jeno was shy, Dream Boy radiated confidence. Jeno took time to open up to new people while Dream Boy was always his true self around everybody. Jeno never showed emotion while Dream Boy was very emotional and expressive. Jeno was a little insecure when Dream Boy loved everything about himself.

Hearing about Jeno’s personality made Jaemin’s heart sink. He hated this feeling of disappointment. Jeno seemed confident over text. Jaemin kept onto that string of hope.

“Do you think he’s a bottom?”

Renjun slapped Jaemin's arm from the question but Donghyuck was quick to answer anyway. “Oh, fuck no. Don’t let his shy facade deceive you. That boy is most definitely a top.”

_At least that’s another thing Jeno and Dream Boy have in common._

It was the next day and Jaemin spent the past few hours working up the courage to finally text Jeno again. He was sitting at a Starbucks on his lunch break, pulling up his messages.

_**Jaemin:** i saw you yesterday but didn’t say hi._

He got a response just a few minutes later.

_**Jeno:** why not?_

_**Jaemin:** frankly... you intimidate me_

_**Jeno:** you think i’m intimidating?_

_**Jaemin:** a little bit. you’re just really pretty._  
_**Jaemin:** i’ll redeem myself and say hi to you tomorrow_  
_**Jaemin:** is that okay?_

_**Jeno:** sounds perfect nana_  
_**Jeno:** i’ll be looking forward to seeing you_

Jaemin did his best to stop his cheeks from getting all flushed.

_The world of literature is so diverse. It consists of movies, books, poems, songs, plays, and several other forms. It’s not a misconception that the most common theme of these literary forms revolve around love. Because of this, it makes it even harder to describe him in my own original way. Every word about love has been said. Every metaphor has been written down. Every feeling has been sung aloud. I wanted to describe him when I first met him in a way no one else has before but it’s brought me difficulty._ _That’s the thing about him: I’ve read so many books and watched so many movies. I’ve felt an endless number of character’s emotions to understand them better. But everything I’ve read—none of it has ever described the way I feel around him. I’ve never felt this way before. And unfortunately that’s a line that’s been said millions of times, but it’s true. My fingers find it hard to type the words to describe the way I feel about him. He’s so mesmerizing. So breathtaking. If only I could describe it in an original way. I guess the only way somebody could understand how I truly felt is if they were me._

Jaemin exited out of Google Docs and turned his phone off, putting his attention back on the soccer team. Renjun was busy drawing and Hyuck was on the field assisting with drills. It was easier to write about Jeno now that he was right in front of him and not an image behind his eyelids.

“I’m finally gonna talk to him today.”

Renjun stopped drawing a moment before he continued. “Good. It’s about time.”

“I’m nervous.”

“For what? He’s obviously excited to meet you.”

“What if he’s just saying that to make fun of me? What if he’s actually straight and just leading me on?”

Jaemin searched the player until his eyes landed on a smiling Jeno. His heart skipped a beat.

“You worry too much.”

The blue haired boy signed, knowing his friend was right again. 

Practice eventually ended and Renjun left for an appointment, leaving Jaemin alone. He sat on the bleachers, waiting for Jeno to come out of the locker room. He was about to give up and leave after seeing most of the players leave but a second later Jeno walked out by himself.

Jaemin put on his confidence jacket and stood up. “Jeno! Hi.”

The beautiful boy made eye contact with Jaemin, hesitating before slowly walking up to him. “Hi, um. Do I know you?”

“Yes! No. Kinda,” Jaemin squinted his eyes closed and shook his head, taking a breath before looking back at the boy. “You told me to say hi next time I see you.”

It took a second but Jaemin finally saw it click in Jeno’s brain. “Nana.”

Jaemin gave him a small smile and did a dramatic curtsy. “That’s me.”

Jeno returned an even bigger smile. “Wow, I… hi.”

“Hi.” Jaemin felt his cheeks get warm. Hopefully the change of color wasn’t too noticeable. This was going a lot better than he had thought.

_He looks even better up close. He really is everything I imagined Dream Boy to look like. He’s the embodiment of him._

“Are you heading to your apartment right now? Taking a train?”

“No, I live in the Sophomore dorms. I was just gonna walk home.”

Jeno hummed. “Let me walk you back then?”

And Donghyuck said he was shy... Jaemin mentally laughed. This is what Dream Boy would have asked.

The blue haired boy nodded. “I would like that.”

The two started walking off the field, neither saying a word for the first few minutes. Not that it was awkward, it was just that Dream Boy would have said something by now.

The brunette finally spoke. “Will you tell me your real name?”

Jeno seemed trustworthy. He seemed like he had good intentions.

“Jaemin. Na Jaemin. My closest friends call me Nana.”

“Nana. So cute,” Jeno chuckled. Jaemin never saw Jeno making eye contact with him since they started walking. He was hoping he would steal at least a few glances.

“I was surprised when you texted me.”

Jaemin was slightly taken aback. “Really? You seem like someone to get hit on a lot.”

“Well,” Jeno laughed. “I wouldn’t say a lot but I do get a lot more attention than I thought I ever would. It’s always girls though. That’s why it surprised me.”

“Pleasantly surprised or..?” Jaemin teased, trying to see if Jeno was actually interested.

“For sure,” he simply replied, finally making eye contact with Jaemin.

Jaemin blushed. “That’s good.”

A few moments of silence passed again as they continued walking.

“You said you major in creative writing?”

“Yeah,” he enthusiastically replied, glad that Jeno was finally sparking up more conversation. “I’ve always liked writing fictional stories.”

“Do you wanna be an author someday?”

He shrugged. “It would be cool but everyone says it’s too unrealistic. So I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that part out.”

The conversation went smoothly as they talked about a few other things. The last few minutes of the walk ended in complete silence, finally reaching their way towards the dorm.

“Thank you for walking me back.” They stopped at the entrance.

“Thank you for saying hi,” he replied, smiling with his eyes. Jaemin found himself lost in them for a moment. “Say hi again sometime?”

“Yeah,” Jaemin replied breathily. The other boy grinned and waved goodbye. 

Relief washed off Jaemin’s shoulders as he entered the dorm complex, running down the empty hallways while bouncing up and down excitedly. He still couldn’t believe it.

He met his dream boy.

Walking in his room, he grabbed his laptop and opened up a doc he wrote a while ago titled, _“First Meeting.”_

_When I met him for the first time it was outside the campus on a small field where students would study. The weather couldn’t be any more perfect. There were only a few spots for people to sit on the picnic tables but they were all taken except for mine. He asked if he could sit with me. Of course, I said yes. You couldn’t say no to a handsome face like that. I learned a lot about him in just an hour. No studying got accomplished for either of us. I learned he played a lot of sports in his life. I learned he has a younger sister in high school. He also has a dog named Yoonah. There were so many other things we talked about that I forgot. He asked a lot of questions about me. I told him everything. He was such a smooth and natural talker—something I admired a lot about him._

Jaemin slowly closed his laptop and stared at the beige wall in front of him. He replayed the events of the walk home today, comparing it to his story, taking no time to realize that their first meeting was nothing alike. Of course the situation wasn’t, but Jaemin felt like he learned nothing about Jeno and Jeno learned nothing about him.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

“I’m conflicted.”

The two boys were sitting outside a frozen yogurt place, cooling themselves off with a cold treat on such a hot day.

“Why?”

Jaemin took a spoonful of yogurt in his mouth. “Because Jeno’s like… he’s not who I thought he is.”

Renjun was quick to defend his friend. “What the fuck, why? Was he rude to you?”

“No, it’s just…” Jaemin took some time to process his words. “After walking back with him… Hyuck was right. He’s… kinda shy. And definitely introverted.”

Renjun didn’t see the problem. “Okay, and?”

He deadpanned as if the answer was obvious. “Dream boy isn't shy. Dream boy is the opposite of shy.”

“See? See how damaging this is? Your dream boy isn’t real, Jaem. Give Jeno a chance and stop comparing him to your fantasies. You finally met somebody. He literally texted you, saying he wasn't looking for a relationship but when you told him you were a boy he proceeded to flirt with you. He’s obviously interested. I’m not letting you fuck this up.”

Jaemin took another bite, talking with his mouth full. “I know, I know. I’m just a little let down. Leave me be.”

“Seriously, Jaemin? I can’t even begin to explain the depths of my disappointment right now.”

Jaemin aggressively finished his last bite and dropped the conversation.

_I didn’t even need to ask to kiss him. He answered with his eyes instead. I climbed on top of his lap, resting my hands on his broad chest. I closed my eyes, feeling my heart beat faster every second. I was unprepared when I felt his soft lips on mine._

The annoying and familiar sound of his alarm awoke him from his sleep. Jaemin groaned and tapped the snooze button, silently cursing at his phone. It was just getting to the good part. He got up and shook it off, already knowing the events of this dream. It was definitely one of the more recurring ones. It suddenly gave Jaemin an idea.

“I can just write out my events and make them happen in real life,” Jaemin mumbled to himself, opening his phone and going to his messages.

_**Jaemin:** do you wanna come over today?_  


Renjun was supposed to visit his friend’s apartment tonight. This gave him the perfect opportunity.

He turned off his phone and got ready for this hopeful Friday. After showering and getting dressed, he received a reply.

_**Jeno:** i would love to :)_

He felt his heart do that thing again. Jeno held too much power over him already.

_**Jaemin:** perfect! 7:00 good?_  
**  
**

_**Jeno:** i'll be there xx_

Jeno showed up in a bright red t-shirt with a pink jacket worn over it, along with white skinny jeans. This was definitely an outfit Dream Boy would never wear; he didn’t usually go for brighter colors. It wasn’t that he always wore dark colors, but was also found wearing a lot of neutral tones too. 

It kind of shocked Jaemin to see Jeno like this because he’s only ever seen him in his soccer jersey, but he thought he looked extra cute.

They were both sitting with crossed legs on opposite sides of his bed and Jaemin was thankful that despite Jeno being a lot shyer than he would like, he wasn’t awkward. It luckily felt natural—especially since Jeno was one to smile a lot. It made Jaemin’s heart jump each time he saw the crescent shaped eyes.

They were talking about soccer, and Jaemin prompted the question if he thinks he’s good at it since Jeno was denied Jaemin’s complement of him being the best player on the team.

“I think I’m alright. Sometimes I doubt myself but I think it’s just because it’s a lot of pressure,” was his answer. 

Dream Boy was somebody who wasn’t very modest. He wasn’t arrogant, because arrogance is having a state of mind where you believe you’re better than everyone else. Dream Boy was just very confident. Confidence is having a state of mind where you believe nobody is better than you. The two terms commonly get confused, but there is a big difference.

Jaemin found confidence attractive; Jeno didn’t seem to have a lot of it. That, or he was just modest.

“Are you not good with pressure?”

Jeno shook his head and softly laughed. “No. Especially when people have such huge expectations for me. It can be overwhelming.”

Jaemin nodded and hummed in acknowledgement. That also wasn’t a trait of his dream boy. His dream boy worked very well under pressure, never finding it too overwhelming.

The conversation was left as that and the two boys looked at each other in an unspoken silence, but a lot of words were being said aloud. This was the part where Jaemin finally took his chances. To ease any growing tension, Jaemin took the initiative and casually made his way onto Jeno’s lap, legs on both sides of him and resting his hands on his chest. It was broad, just like in his dream. Jeno supported himself by putting his hands back behind him, not taking his eyes off of Jaemin.

“You’re really pretty, Jeno,” Jaemin whispered, eyes making his way to his lips. He then closed his eyes, Jeno’s smell flooding his senses.

This is everything he dreamed of. The boy he dreamed of for months was suddenly right in front of him. He dreamt of kissing him, and many things beyond that, but he was struggling to actually bring himself to it in that moment.

What if kissing him wasn’t everything he dreamed it would be? What if it was much better when he described it on paper? He was scared of being disappointed.

Jaemin was unprepared upon suddenly feeling Jeno’s lips on his own. He thought after all of the dreams and all the detailed writing and even the little time he spent looking Jeno the past few days—all the time memorizing his laugh and smile—he would expect to know how his lips would feel. Although his dream boy’s lips were never chapped, Jeno’s were. But it made it feel more authentic this way. Jeno’s lips were much more warm than he ever described his dream boy’s to be, which fogged up his brain where he could barely think. Jeno’s lips didn’t taste like mint as Jaemin imagined, but rather his own taste. 

Jeno slowly pulled away from the short kiss but Jaemin took no time to lean in again, brushing his lips against the others. It wasn’t innocent, like one would tease; it was demanding. It was more intense, more wet, and more hot. Their lips were connected again and it wasn’t long until Jeno’s tongue pressed against his lips and Jaemin granted access. Jaemin wrapped his arms around his neck and Jeno took one hand to gently press against his lower back, inviting him to scoot closer until they could feel each other’s beating hearts against their chests. The kiss was sloppy, Jaemin holding back any noises as he felt Jeno’s tongue push against his, deeper into his throat.

This was 100 times better than Jaemin had ever imagined.

A week passed and the two boys started to hang out more. The first time was a study date because they happened to bump into each other at the library. The second time was going out for coffee, in which Jeno tried Jaemin's monstrosity of a drink, immediately spitting it out in the trashcan. They also texted more often since Jaemin’s work schedule made it hard to visit him at practice. (It was also an excuse; some days he just got too nervous to go.) 

Jaemin mostly texted first. He was even brave enough to send a selfie to Jeno, in which Jeno replied back with one also. It was a selfie of him with a light blue sweater—again, something Dream Boy would never wear.

Through texting Jeno, Jaemin learned he lived in an apartment by himself. He also knows what his cat looks like now after receiving several spammed pictures of his furry friend. Jeno was a lot cuter than his dream boy, but Jaemin didn’t mind it too much. He loved cute things. He learned Jeno could play the guitar, which Jaemin found very sexy. He also learned his favorite color is blue and he likes sweets. He also likes to dance occasionally.

It was back to being Friday and Hyuck decided to plan a group hangout with Renjun, Mark, Jeno, Jaemin, and him. The soccer team didn’t have practice today, allowing them to spend a few relaxing hours at the beach after their classes ended.

Mark was their form of transportation, being the only one out of the five to have a car. Renjun and Jaemin were picked up last. Hyuck inevitably rode shotgun, resulting in Jaemin being stuck in the middle and the remaining two others on each side of him.

Jeno was wearing a white muscle tee and black basketball shorts, exposing his muscles. He thought Jeno looked absolutely gorgeous. He did everything he could to stop himself from holding his hand for the ride.

The forty minute drive mostly consisted of obnoxious singing along to the radio from everybody but Jeno; he just laughed and smiled along. After a lot of encouragement, Jaemin finally got Jeno to sing along near the end with them.

Grabbing the beach chairs from the trunk, they made their way to the shore and set up camp. Renjun and Jaemin stayed back as Hyuck made it his mission to get Mark and Jeno in the water but they both ended running away as soon as the water made it way to their knees.

Jeno looked a lot more comfortable around Mark and Donghyuck. He quickly learned Donghyuck was definitely right on the whole “Jeno opening up to people” thing.

Jaemin knew it sounded terrible, but he hoped if he hung out with Jeno more, Jeno would appear more like Dream Boy. Every time he saw Jeno, he saw Dream Boy, but every time he hung out with Jeno, he was just hanging out with… Jeno.

The three sandy-toed boys made their way back to the group a few minutes later, allowing Jaemin to introduce his goodies he crafted prior to the trip.

“Okay, everyone pay attention.”

The four had their eyes on Jaemin as he pulled out five tupperware containers, handing it out to everyone. “I may have a hobby of cooking and may have cooked you all dinner. You have to take at least one bite. Otherwise my feelings will be hurt.”

Everyone but Jeno opened the containers, Donghyuck and Mark immediately complimenting Jaemin, giving him a proud smile.

“You made this dish last week.”

Jaemin scoffed at his roommate. “You ungrateful bitch. Just eat the damn food.”

“I’m kidding,” Renjun said, sticking his tongue out before grabbing his chopsticks and taking a huge bite.

He looked at Jeno sitting next to him, opening his container, looking up at Jaemin. “This is quite a feast. Do you cook often?”

“I do what I can with my available resources,” he grinned, referring mostly to his portable burner.

Jaemin anticipated Jeno’s reaction the most, watching him intently as he began to take a bite. His reaction didn’t come until he finished chewing, but Jaemin was content with it.

“You seriously made this?”

He nodded proudly.

Jeno took another bite. “Please cook for me more often then.”

That gave him a good idea. He’d keep that in mind for the future.

He was satisfied upon seeing everyone finish their meals to the bone. After they all ate, everyone but Jeno and Jaemin went in the water this time, leaving the two alone. The two were sitting on the plastic chairs now, looking out at the beach waves crashing onto the shore.

“You know, you should wear muscle tees more,” Jaemin suggested, crossing his legs and turning to face Jeno.

He did the same. “You think?”

“Yeah. But still wear your other cute clothes too. Don’t do it to impress me.”

It was the first time he saw Jeno blush from a compliment. He gave his award winning smile and softly replied, “Thank you.”

It was the same smile, but the one in his dreams was nothing compared to seeing the one in real life.

“Agh, your smile does things to my heart, Lee Jeno,” he confessed all giddy, leaning to the side to rest on the chair.

Jeno didn’t reply and just kept smiling while looking at Jaemin lovingly.

_I was always the one doing the cooking so I was pleasantly surprised when I woke up to find him cooking breakfast. He had his speakers turned up to a song I didn’t know, singing and dancing loudly to the song. I loved seeing him so happy like this. I’d do anything for him to be happy. He trapped me in the corner of the kitchen wall, hands on my waist while getting me to dance along. Of course I did. His energy was contagious. He spoon fed me the dish straight from the pan as we danced and ate together. He was truly perfect. What a perfect way to wake up._

It was an old draft Jaemin wrote a few months back; one of the first he wrote about Dream Boy. 

It was the day after the beach and Jaemin had such a weird feeling in his stomach that he couldn’t explain. He was craving to see Jeno again. He enjoyed every moment with him yesterday.

Jaemin would never tell anyone to change. He found changing one’s personality for others was a terrible thing and went against all his values.

So why did he have such an itching sensation to tell Jeno to change so many things about himself? He’s never felt like this with everyone.

Getting to know Jeno the past two weeks had been odd when it shouldn’t be. Jeno had such a loving personality. There was nothing wrong about. Jeno was a good person. There was no reason for Jaemin to want to change anything. But he felt so… unsatisfied.

Guilt ate at his stomach from these thoughts.

“Oh! I forgot to tell you guys. Jeno got a call from an foreign agency yesterday.”

Renjun and Jaemin were over at Donghyuck’s apartment, hanging out on the living room floor while scrolling through their phones.

“A foreign agency? For what?” Jaemin asked.

“They want him to try out for their soccer team. He’s been getting these big calls for a while,” Donghyuck replied, blowing a bubble with his gum.

“Seriously?” Renjun replied. “I guess I’m not too surprised. He’s super fucking good.”

“Right? It was for a soccer team in Italy. I’m just trying to imagine Jeno getting around in Italy when he can barely converse in English,” Donghyuck said, followed by a laugh.

“Wait, so he’d have to live there?” Jaemin inquired, genuinely curious.

“Well duh. It would be his career, dummy.”

Jaemin pouted. He didn’t like the thought of Jeno moving half a world away. He was only just starting to get to know him.

“Awe, is somebody sad?” Renjun teased in a baby voice, rustling Jaemin’s hair.

“If it makes you feel any better he seems pretty hesitant about it. He may be an independent person but he said he finds it too scary to live alone in a foreign country. That and there’s a lot of pressure. He’d be on national TV if he took up the offer. I think he could do it though, he just doesn’t believe in himself enough. I’m gonna try to convince him to go. As much as I would miss him I don’t think he realizes how big of an opportunity he would be turning down.”

Donghyuck got up to spit his gum out in the trash before continuing. “And I think another reason he’s hesitant is because of you, Jaemin.”

Jaemin’s eyebrows raised. “Me? Why me?”

Donghyuck went to sit back down. “Because you’re the first person he’s ever been like… romantically involved with. He turns down every date invite because he’s not attracted to girls. He’s obviously super happy he finally found a boy interested in him. He’s talked about you like… two times already which may not seem like a lot but it’s super rare for Jeno to ever talk about his feelings. So if he thinks that you two might actually be a thing in the future then that’s probably stopping him even more from going.”

Jeno’s had Jaemin thinking too much lately and now Donghyuck added another thing to his plate.

He was far too full already.

He was at war with his brain at this point. Should he tell Jeno that they should stop seeing each other? Jaemin still felt guilty about being unsatisfied around Jeno. He shouldn’t lead him on. But he also felt like his dreams were coming true with Jeno. He finally met his dream boy. If he got to know him more, maybe he would see more similarities between the two. It was all too confusing. But if Jaemin was a reason for holding him back from going, shouldn’t that make him more guilty?

It was like his head carried two charging horses, pulling themselves in the opposite direction from another. One wanted to follow the path to Jeno while the other one was trying to stay away. He wanted them to both follow the same path in front together, but that path led to nowhere.

On the train ride back to their dorms, Jaemin texted Jeno.

_**Jaemin:** donghyuck told me about your offer in italy_  
_**Jaemin:** that’s actually insane jeno_  
_**Jaemin:** you should be so proud of yourself_

Jeno was always quick to respond.

_**Jeno:** agh it’s not that big a deal_  
_**Jeno:** but thank you jaemin, i genuinely appreciate it. I'm probably not even gonna go though_  


_**Jaemin:** why not? you totally should :(_

_**Jeno:** that’s what everyone else is telling me too_  
_**Jeno:** the thought is too scary i guess_  
_**Jeno:** i’d be leaving my whole life behind_  


_**Jaemin:** well i guess that’s the good thing about it_  
 _ **Jaemin:** this gives you the chance to start a new life_

_**Jeno:** i guess you’re right_  
_**Jeno:** but i’m content with my life right now_  
_**Jeno:** i’m happy._  


The last text made Jaemin smile.

_**Jaemin:** well listen to your heart before your head_  
_**Jaemin:** that way you’ll find out what you truly want_

_**Jeno:** i can tell you always give good advice to people_  
_**Jeno:** i’m glad i met you_  


Jaemin’s smile disappeared. 

_You deserve someone better, Lee Jeno._

He hesitated on his answer.

_**Jaemin:** i'm glad i met you too._

A few days later, Jeno texted Jaemin to meet him in the locker room after today’s practice. His mind went to a million upon receiving this text, so a knot formed in his stomach while he waited.

He was going to tell Renjun about his conflict, but he already knew what Renjun would say and he was not about to sit through the excruciating minutia of his best friend lecturing him on everything he’s doing wrong.

So he decided to avoid biting the bullet. He didn’t want to hurt Jeno’s feelings—especially after what Hyuck told him. It wasn’t even that he didn’t like hanging out with him. Jeno still made him go insane. He just wished that him and Dream Boy were more similar.

He got a text from the handsome boy, telling him to come inside. He walked over and inside the empty locker room, finding Jeno stuffing his jersey into his drawstring bag. His hair was a bit wet from his shower; Jaemin was suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

He looked up and smiled. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Jaemin walked over and Jeno set his bag down. “Is there a reason you invited me in here?”

Jeno nodded. “I wanted to see if you were available after this. We can grab dinner or something.”

Jaemin held his head up high and crossed his arms. “You could’ve texted me instead. Tell me your other intentions, Lee Jeno.”

The brunette was caught red-handed. 

“Actually don’t tell me. Show me. I’m more of a visual learner.”

Jeno leaned against the locker and smirked, taking Jaemin’s wrists and pulling him close so their bodies were touching. Jaemin didn’t know if it was Jeno or him that initiated the kiss first, but neither did it without any hesitation. Jaemin let out a content sigh into the kiss, which began as gentle and warm, both boys unafraid to quickly deepen it. Jeno’s hands made their way to his fragile waist, shivering at the simple touch. Jaemin thought he needed to do something with his hands too, deciding to rest them in his hair, grabbing onto the wet locks and using it to pull their faces even closer.

Jeno turned them around so Jaemin was now leaning against the lockers, lips immediately back on the others. He moved his hands down so they lightly held the hem of Jaemin’s shirt, knuckles tickling against his bare skin. Jaemin nodded, allowing Jeno to run his hands up his back underneath his shirt. Jeno began leaving wet kisses on his jaw, moving down to his neck to his collar bones, tongue lapping at the skin.

He let out another contentful sighed at the touch, every sensation felt like so much. From his hands to his lips to his tongue—Jeno made Jaemin feel so weak.

It was the first time Jaemin hung out with Jeno where he didn’t think to compare him to his dream boy. His mind was simply too blank to even think about it.

Right now it was just: Jeno.

“Jeno’s leaving for Italy tomorrow.”

Jaemin almost spit out his latte he was sipping on. “What? He’s already leaving?”

The three boys were sitting on the bench during practice the next day.

“Relax,” Hyuck laughed. “He’s just going to try outs. He’ll be there for a few days.”

“So he’s really thinking about leaving?”

“We’re pushing him to. He’ll have an easier time deciding if he knows he got accepted instead of just anticipating.”

“Why didn’t he tell me…” Jaemin mumbled with a pout, looking down at his shoes. He didn’t know why he felt a bit offended. Why won’t Jeno just tell him things?

“Because Jeno doesn’t like to talk about his life when it’s with people he just met,” Hyuck replied, Jaemin being surprised he even heard his mumbling. “You guys have known each other for what, just under a month? Just give him more time to open up to you, he will.”

Dream Boy didn’t need to take time to open up to anyone. His dreams and writings weren’t lining up. It annoyed him.

“If he does get in, when does he leave?” Renjun asked the other. Jaemin didn’t even think of that.

Hyuck paused to think. “Hm… he didn’t tell me but I would guess in about two months. Maybe three?”

Jaemin’s heart has been sinking a lot lately due to the thought of Jeno leaving, but he thinks his heart officially reached the bottom of the ocean.

He pulled out his phone and texted Jeno, knowing he’ll check it right after practice.

_**Jaemin:** good luck at the tryouts xx_  
_**Jaemin:** i wanna talk to you about something after you get back_  
_**Jaemin:** fighting lee jeno!_

The whistle blew and the team started running over for a water break. He made eye contact with Jeno, the brunette giving him a smile.

“I have to go,” Jaemin announced to his friends, getting up and walking away.

He was back at his dorm when he received a string of texts from Jeno.

_**Jeno:** thanks jaemin_  
_**Jeno:** is it a good talk or a bad talk? lol xx_  
_**Jeno:** i’ll think about you during tryouts_  
_**Jeno:** it might help me calm my nerves_

  


Jaemin read the texts and sighed, throwing his phone on his bed. He sat there a while, trying to… think. But he wasn’t really sure what he was trying to think about.

He grabbed his laptop and opened up a new doc, titling it, _”Things I Would Change About Jeno”._

  * Wear his hair up more
  * Wear more neutral tone clothes
  * Speak up more
  * NOT BE SO SHY!! shy boys aren’t my type and it can get annoying
  * Text me first more
  * Be more extraverted
  * Be more talkative
  * Show emotions more, I can’t tell what you feel a lot
  * BE MORE CONFIDENT
  * Compliment me more pleeease :(



Jaemin read over his list while biting his nails, shaking his head and slamming the laptop closed.

“Holy shit. I’m a terrible person.”

He got up out of bed and ruffled his hair, blinking a few times. “What the fuck am I doing? How the fuck could I do this? Why am I doing this?”

Jaemin felt like he was lost at war with his head again. He sat on his bed and opened his laptop once more, going to the search bar.

_How to stop obsessive daydreaming_

He clicked on the first link, opening up a blog. His eyes were fixed on the bolded captions.

  1. **Make your daydreams have bad endings**



He read the words below the caption, frowning. He didn’t want his dreams to have a bad ending. He hated bad endings. But if he tried it, then maybe he wouldn’t want to dream about his dream boy anymore. He read the rest of the blog’s remedies, finding them useless before closing his laptop once again.

He patted his cheeks, letting out another dramatic sigh. He wanted to like Jeno. He really did. Why did he have to be such an idealist? His fantasies were taking over his body like a disease. He was confusing his dreams with reality.

It was ruining his life. And he knew that.

_“Please, let me change your mind!”_ _Jaemin tried to bite his lip to hold himself back from crying, but it was a futile attempt. He felt everything—from his muscles to his bones to his skin—it was all suddenly so heavy. He felt like he could barely stand._ _“I’m sorry, Nana,” he replied, softly cupping his cheek and giving him a kiss on the forehead. “I don’t want to leave you either.”_

_Jaemin sobbed, looking into the eyes he loves most. “Please don’t forget me then. I’ll love you forever, Lee Jeno.”_

_A tear rolled down the brunette’s cheek. His pale complection turned red. “Na Jaemin, I could never forget you. Ever.”_

_Jaemin brought his arms around the other’s waist, pulling him in for a hug. Stuffing his face into the crook of his neck, he continued to cry._

_“If you find somebody new... “ Jaemin inhaled, trying to steady his breathing. “If anybody new comes into your life… just know that I’ll always love you more than them. Always.”_

_Jaemin felt a sob come from the other; he started softly combing through his blue hair._

_“I love you, Na Jaemin. I always will.”_

__

__

“Jaemin. Earth to Jaemin...”

He ignored the patting on his shoulder.

“NASA? You there? Jaemin. JAEMIN!”

He snapped out of his thoughts as his eyes met his best friend who had the look of concern, confusion, and amusement blended together on his face.

“Why the fuck are you tearing up?”

Jaemin didn’t even notice his watery eyes, quickly wiping them with his sleeve. He even forgot he was at the cafe studying with Renjun for a minute.

“I... had an intense… daydream.”

“About Jeno?”

“No, about--”

He stopped mid sentence, realizing that he said Jeno’s name in his dream. He never said Dream Boy’s name in his dreams. He didn’t exactly… have a name.

“Forget it. Nevermind.”

His phone lit up where he had it on the table, leaning over to see it was Jeno. He opened it up and it was a whole bunch of pictures he took in Italy. He must have arrived already.

_**Jeno:** isn’t it pretty?_  
_**Jeno:** let’s go here together someday._

Jaemin felt like tearing up again upon reading his text.

_**Jaemin:** please, i would love that_  
_**Jaemin:** i’ll be looking forward to it_

It was quite ironic that Jeno was staying in Venice, which was known to be one of the most romantic cities in the world. Jeno may not be the most romantic person Jaemin has met, nor was he as nearly romantic as Dream Boy, but he was definitely genuine. Jaemin thinks he likes that most about Jeno.

“Surprise!”

The full gang was present at his apartment, welcoming Jeno back from his endeavors. Jaemin started finding it nice that he was finally getting involved in a friend group. Most of his friends were spreaded out within different ones.

Jeno closed the door, putting his luggage aside and smiling at his friends.

“You guys got me a cake?” he laughed, walking over to everyone else in the living room.

“Yes,” Mark said, aka the holder of the cake. “And I bought it with my own money. None of these losers helped me out.”

Donghyuck was quick to argue. “You didn’t even tell us about it, asshole.”

Mark giggled and kissed his boyfriend on the cheek, walking up to Jeno and giving him the cake. “Welcome back best friend.”

His smile never left his face. He carefully took it and thanked him, setting it down on the coffee table. “You guys really didn’t have to do this.”

“Right? Which is why we’re such great friends!” Donghyuck exclaimed, pulling him in for a tight hug, causing Jeno to nearly choke before he pulled away. “Now tell us about Italy!”

His eyes met Jaemin and the blue haired boy gave the other a warm smile. Donghyuck went to sit on the only couch where Mark sat while patting the spot next to him. Renjun and Jaemin were sitting on the floor. 

Jeno took a seat on the couch. “Well. It was fun.”

Silence.

“That’s it?” Mark said. “You gotta give us more than that.”

Jeno laughed. “Well… the city was really pretty and the people were friendly. The tryouts went smoothly. It was a good trip and going definitely helped me come to a conclusion on whether or not I would wanna stay or go.”

The four boys looked at Jeno with anticipation, waiting for him to continue.

“I don’t think I’m gonna go if I make the team. The language barrier is already one thing but I don’t think I wanna play for national TV. I’m too content with my life in Korea.”

Jeno was looking at Jaemin when he explained his reasoning; he had to do his best to focus on Jeno’s words and not his face.

“Jenooo~” Donghyuck whined, leaning back and slouching on the couch. “You’re passing up such a big opportunity.”

“Donghyuuuck~” he mimicked back. “I know I am. And now somebody else who’s more passionate about it can have it. Besides, I don’t even know if I made the team so this is all hypothetical anyway.”

About an hour passed, which mostly consisted of eating cake, playing the switch, and complaining about shitty professors. Renjun had to leave first for a class, and Mark and Donghyuck made up a poor and obvious excuse not much long after. Both Jaemin and Jeno knew they just did that so they could be left alone.

When the door shut after the couple left, Jeno was still on the couch and Jaemin was on the floor. He got up off the wooden ground and over to Jeno, casually sitting on his lap, wrapping his arms around his neck.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

A few seconds passed and Jaemin finally spoke. “I’m glad you had fun on your trip.”

“It would’ve been better with you.”

Jaemin lightly slapped Jeno’s shoulder. “You’re cheesy.”

Jeno replied with a smile followed by a kiss, in which Jaemin didn’t refuse. Jeno was still smiling through the kiss, making Jaemin smile as well. Although they’ve kissed a lot the past month, Jaemin thinks this has been his favorite. He didn’t realize how amazing a kiss would feel while the other was smiling. This would be something Dream Boy would probably constantly do.

Jaemin pulled back at the thought.

“Did I do something wrong?”

He immediately shook his head. Jeno was so cute. “No, no. It’s just… are you sure you don’t wanna leave for Italy?”

“You want me gone already?”

“No, you dummy. Of course not. But it’s such a huge opportunity if you get it.” He started lightly tracing Jeno’s facial features with his nail, starting from his chin to his lips to his cheeks and to his jawline. His dream boy was real. He was right in front of him. 

“I’m not a reason that’s holding you back, right?”

Jeno smiled again—a reassuring one. He brought his hand up to Jaemin’s hair, running his fingers through the blue strands, shrugging his shoulders. “Everyone in my life is.”

Jaemin let a minute pass by, enjoying the current moment until he spoke again. “Jeno?”

“Hm?”

“You can talk about your feelings with me. You can be emotional around me. You can tell me things. Okay?”

Jeno paused for a moment before nodding. “Okay. Thank you.”

Jaemin leaned in for another kiss again and Jeno complied. Jaemin could never get tired of kissing. It was so much better than his dreams.

Jeno pulled back. “Do you wanna watch a movie or something tonight?”

_Movie nights were my favorite with him. It was even better when there were sad bits in the movie; it was always a sight to see him cry. I liked that he was never afraid to show emotion. Although he was extravagant on the outside, he was definitely a softy at heart. In this world, holding back your emotions was a norm because of the stigma that crying was a sign of weakness. I didn’t believe that at all._

_Our arms were linked and my head was on his shoulder while he rested his head on top of mine. The more sad the movie got, the more he held me tight. Although I also cried at the movie, I didn’t cry as much as him._

_I liked seeing him vulnerable. It made him more **human.**_

Jaemin let out a pathetic laugh right after typing the last sentence. He knew there was irony in it. 

It was the night he got back from Jeno’s apartment, deciding to finish the day off with writing a scenario of him and his dream boy. He pressed enter twice, starting a new paragraph.

_He let me pick the movie so I took the opportunity to pick a sadder movie I’ve already seen before. I was expecting him to cry, but he didn’t. He didn’t even shed a tear. I didn’t see his eyes get watery either. I wonder if he felt the emotions of the actors or if he didn’t feel their emotions at all. I thought the actors delivered a great performance to touch anyone’s heart._

_I learned that he likes to be the one to be cuddled. He’s the more clingy one. I think he likes to be touched, and I don’t mean in a sexual way, but in a comforting and secure way. While I sat up straight while watching the movie, waiting for him to wrap me in his arms, instead he leaned into my chest so he was the one being cuddled._

_I wonder if Jeno wanted to cry during the movie or if he simply felt no urge to. I wish he would have cried._

Jaemin read over his description of the night before pulling out his phone.

_**Jaemin:** did you like the movie?_

He got an instant reply.

_**Jeno:** a lot, yes_  
_**Jeno:** it might be one of my favorites now_  
_**Jeno:** thank you for spending the day with me_

  
_**Jaemin:** i’m glad u liked it_  
_**Jaemin:** thank you for not kicking me out with the others lol_  
_**Jaemin:** i’m surprised you didn’t cry like me_

_**Jeno:** don’t be too surprised_  
_**Jeno:** i’m jealous at how people can cry at movies_

  
_**Jaemin:** jealous? what do you mean?_

_**Jeno:** i don’t know_  
_**Jeno:** no matter how sad a movie is i just can’t cry_  
_**Jeno:** i’ve never cried at a movie_

  
_**Jaemin:** never?_  
_**Jaemin:** why do you get jealous of them though?_

_**Jeno:** because it makes it me look like i have no emotions_  
_**Jeno:** my heart was crying instead of my eyes lol_

  


Jaemin's head was starting to buzz. It was at that moment he realized he was beginning to hate Dream Boy. He wanted him to leave his mind. He wanted him to leave him alone and forget about all his memories of him. He wanted Jeno.

But he also wanted Jeno to cry at the movie. He also wanted Jeno to be the one holding onto him instead of the other way around.

Maybe it would have been best if he never met Jeno.

As more time passed, the two boys could be found with each other at least five times a week now. Jaemin was surprised at how well their two personalities got along. The thought was all funny to Jaemin. Not funny in an amusing way, but a sad way. 

_I get along with Jeno so well yet I’m still not satisfied._

There were constant comparisons of Jeno and Dream Boy going through his head whenever they were together. He wondered if suddenly Jeno possessed the qualities of Dream Boy, would they get along better or would they not get along as well? Dream Boy and him both got along fine in his dreams.

The more he learned about Jeno, the more he learned his personality was further and further away from Dream Boy’s. In the beginning, Jaemin thought if he got to know Jeno more, the better possibility of discovering they had similar qualities. He was definitely wrong.

It was all too confusing, especially since he genuinely enjoyed the other’s presence.

Jaemin thought it was cute to see Jeno get excited every time they met up. It was becoming common for Jaemin to meet him in the lockers after practice now and he has never met somebody who’s face lit up so much when he walked in a room. Jeno made him feel more special than anybody has.

He thought Jeno couldn’t get any more stunning but he was proven wrong. Because of their locker room visits, Jaemin got to discover more of something he admired about his dream boy: His body. Jeno’s whole body was beautiful, and Jaemin couldn’t believe he was the only person allowed to see it. He felt so lucky.

After practice today, Jeno had been too tired to do anything so they headed to his apartment. The team did conditioning today, so his face was all flushed from being overexerted and his muscles ached to the point where he was slightly limping on the journey home. All his practice and games lately have obviously taken a toll on him.

When they reached the apartment, Jaemin being his physical support the whole time, he told him he should take a quick bath to relax his muscles while he offered to fix him up a meal to re-energize. Although Jeno refused, Jaemin insisted.

Jaemin had always been one to take care of people. He loved helping his friends, he loved cooking for them, he would always baby his juniors he claimed as his children. It was no surprise he was always called the “mom friend.”

What Jaemin noticed lately, though, is that in his dreams and writings, he was always the one being taken care of by Dream Boy. He never felt inclined to help Jeno, but he liked doing it. He _loved_ doing it. He loved taking care of Jeno. He was starting to like giving Jeno the attention when, at first, he wished he was the one receiving it.

While he was in the bath, Jaemin quickly prepared a healthy stir fry he helped his mother always make when he lived at home. The brunette still wasn’t out of the bath when he finished, so he contemplated just giving it to Jeno in the bath so the hot dish wouldn’t get too cold. Deciding on doing so, he knocked on the bathroom door while holding the plate of stir fry in the other hand. He didn’t get an answer though, so he slowly opened the door himself, finding Jeno with his eyes closed, relaxing peacefully in the water. He even took a bubble bath. Cute.

“Is somebody too relaxed?” Jaemin laughed, setting the plate on the counter. Jeno was obviously startled at the sudden voice, opening his eyes. “I knocked but you didn’t reply.”

The boy slowly sat up to the best of his aching ability, turning to face Jaemin and crossing his legs. He hid his face in his hands. “I’m trying to hide my embarrassment right now, oh my god.”

Jaemin laughed again, taking the plate from the counter. He sat on the ground near the bath so he was facing Jeno. “I came to deliver dinner. I didn’t want it getting cold and it just doesn’t taste the same heated up.”

Jeno looked impressed. “Wow, I didn’t expect a visit from my mom today.”

Jaemin glared and him. “Is it so wrong for me to take care of you?”

“No, please keep doing it.”

Jaemin triumphantly smiled. “That’s what I thought. You eat up and I’ll wait outside for you.”

Jaemin handed the plate over to Jeno but he didn’t take it. Instead he shook his head, opening his mouth.

“I am not spoon feeding you.”

The boy responded with a pout: a power move Jaemin couldn’t refuse. He gave in and picked up the chopsticks, beginning to feed him. Jeno smiled satisfactorily, his eyes forming the crescents that Jaemin loved.

When the plate was empty, he was about to get up again until Jeno grabbed onto his wrist to stop him. “Wash me too.”

Jaemin did his best to stop a smile from forming but his lips curled up anyway. “Fine, you big baby.”

He stood up , grabbing the shower head and products before sitting down again. He turned the showerhead on, waiting till it got to a warm temperature before using it to wet down Jeno’s hair. Jeno’s eyes were now closed as Jaemin ran his free hand through his hair. He turned it off and grabbed the shampoo bottle, pouring some in his hands. He ran his hands back through his hair, covering his roots with the foamy liquid.

Something about this moment felt so intimate. He didn’t have Dream Boy on his mind again this time. There were no comparisons of Jeno and Dream Boy going through his head. Jaemin felt relaxed and safe during this moment. 

Jaemin was starting to appreciate Jeno’s company—not Dream Boy’s.

He turned the shower head back on again and sprayed down his scalp. He did the same routine with the conditioner, leaving Jeno with clean, wet hair. Jaemin thought he looked amazing like this. How his eyes were half-lidded, how his face was dripping with beads of water, how his bangs were soaked against his forehead—It all made him look like a work of art.

Jaemin couldn’t stop himself from leaning in and kissing him, Jeno taking no time to reciprocate the action. Jeno grabbed Jaemin's hands and rested them on his shoulders, allowing him to feel his wet body. Jeno led his hands down his shoulder and to his chest, encouraging Jeno to take the kiss deeper. While he was lost in this kiss, Jaemin’s brain went to questioning the label of their relationship. If Jeno asked to be his boyfriend, would he even say yes? He thought he agreed with himself a while ago to eventually break things off with Jeno.

It was something to think about another time. Right now he was focused on something else.

That same night, he was back at his dorm being left with a lot of unwanted thoughts. The whole _“boyfriend”_ thing was really getting to him. He knew that Jeno was getting the short end of the stick and guilt rushed through his veins every time he thought about it. There was one question he found trouble answering: Did he have feelings for Jeno or did he have feelings for Dream Boy?

His eyes began to sting as he lied down in his bed. Sleep wouldn’t come to him. Usually to sleep, he’d daydream until his mind was taken into an oblivion. But he realized none of his dreams were starting to feel fun anymore. None of it was fun anymore.

It was all starting to feel like a nightmare and Dream Boy was the enemy.

He sat up and got his laptop out. Maybe writing his thoughts out could find the answer he was looking for.

He opened Google Docs and titled it, _“I Wish I Never Met You”_. It’s been awhile since he’s written a poem. He should write a poem. He hovered his fingers over the keyboard, letting his mind do the rest of the work.

 _I wish I never met you._  
_If I never met you, I would have never been in so much pain._  
_If I never met you, I wouldn’t always act this insane._  
_If I never met you, I think about how much less stressed I would be._  
_If I never met you, I wouldn’t have to think about you leaving me._  


_I wish I never met you._  
_Because if I never met you, I wouldn’t always compare you to my fantasies._  
_Because if I never met you, I wouldn’t always compare your different personalities._  
_If I never met you, I would have never wanted to change something about somebody._  
_If I never met you, I wouldn’t have met a person who makes my face all ruddy._  


_But I’m also glad I met you._  
_I’m glad I met you because you were the wake up call that succeeded._  
_If these dreams continued then my fantasies wouldn’t have been defeated._  
_So at the same time, really, meeting you was exactly what I needed._  
_I just wish the circumstances were different._  


Jaemin read over the blurry words, seeing a tear fall down on his mousepad. He covered his mouth with his hands, doing his best to mute the incoming sobs. He looked over at his roommate who was fast asleep.

His jaw quivered as he stared at his best friend and whispered, _“Help me.”_

It was another day where Jaemin sat with Renjun at practice again. He didn’t know why but Renjun seemed distant the whole day. When he texted him at lunch, he was left on read. When Jaemin tried to talk to him at the dorms, he dryly replied with one or two words.

So, he prompted the question: “Are you mad at me or something?”

Renjun stayed silent as he continued to draw. Because the two got along so well, they rarely ever got mad at each other, but the few times they have, Renjun always got salty and didn’t talk about it until he felt like it. It pissed Jaemin off. He just wanted to talk it out.

He hit his friend on the arm, trying to get his attention. “Renjun. You’re obviously mad at me. Tell me what I did wrong.”

“You fucking messed up my drawing, Jaemin,” he said with a frustrated groan, erasing the mistake Jaemin caused him to make.

Jaemin was shocked by his sudden attitude. He would never intend to hurt his best friend’s feelings. He would never intend to hurt anyone’s feelings. He genuinely had no idea of what he did.

Before he could ask again, the coach blew his whistle and the team headed their way to get the water Renjun set up for them. The coach began talking to their team as they walked over but got interrupted by a call. Jeno waved at Jaemin, and he reciprocated the action, later joining the rest of the team to get water. 

About a minute later, the coach made an announcement. “Everyone! This is huge news!”

The team put their attention on the coach before he continued. “I just got a call telling me that our captain made the tryouts. The Venice soccer team accepted him!”

The team immediately cheered for their captain, taking no time to form a huge group hug. It took a few seconds for it to finally hit Jaemin. The sounds of the cheer became muffled as his brain tried to retain the information. He knew Jeno said he was most likely not going to go, but this was different. He got accepted. He might actually change his mind now.

Jaemin didn’t want Jeno to leave.

Renjun looked over to Jaemin and scoffed. “Oh, quit acting like you’re sad about it. You heartless asshole.”

He grabbed his backpack beside him and walked off, leaving without any goodbye. 

What was that about? What did he even do to piss him off this badly? Renjun may be sarcastic and snarky, but he never treated Jaemin like this. The obnoxious cheers, the thought of Jeno potentially leaving, and Renjun’s words all made his knees feel weak. He got up and walked the opposite direction of Renjun. When he felt tears forming in his eyes, he started to run off the field and to nowhere in particular. He didn’t want to go back to the dorms.

Jaemin found himself at his second home (Starbucks), deciding to do some homework as an attempt to take his mind off of things. As he almost finished, he looked at his phone and realized he never sent Jeno a text about the big news.

_**Jaemin:** congrats on making the team!! i’m so proud on you xx_  
_**Jaemin:** do you think you’ll still be staying here?_

A few minutes later he got a response.

_**Jeno:** you probably want me to leave to italy, don’t you_

Jaemin stopped, peering intently at his text. That was not the type of response he thought he was gonna get.

_**Jaemin:** what? of course i wouldn’t want you to leave. i only want you to leave if that’s what you want_

_**Jeno:** you don’t have to keep lying to me anymore_  
_**Jeno:** i’m sorry for not living up to your expectations._

He was confused at the start of this conversation but now his mind was lost in a jungle. He anxiously typed his response.

_**Jaemin:** what are you talking about?_

The message didn’t go through though. He got blocked.

Jaemin dropped his phone on the table, unable to formulate any coherent thoughts. Just over an hour ago Jeno was smiling and waving at him. Not even a day ago he and his best friend were staying up and watching funny YouTube videos together.

He felt as if the world was suddenly turning against him.

To avoid embarrassing himself in public, he put his earbuds in and rested his head down. Sometimes sleep comes easy when a person is so overwhelmed.

After being woken up right before 8:00 by an employee, saying that they were closing, he found himself naturally walking to Donghyuck’s apartment. He had other friends who would probably let him crash for the night, but maybe Donghyuck would know why Renjun or Jeno was acting this way. He knocked on the door and a light brunette opened it.

He was greeted with a sigh, almost as if his friend didn’t want him there. “I expected you to come here.”

Donghyuck left the door open and walked over to the couch, pressing the play button on the remote. Was this his invitation to come in? Was Donghyuck mad at him too? Why was everyone acting so odd today?

Jaemin let himself in and closed the door behind him, taking off his shoes and fixing his eyes on his friend who minded no attention to him. He walked over and sat on the couch but distanced himself on the opposite end.

The air was thick as Donghyuck proceeded to stay on his silent agenda, putting his full attention on the TV screen. Jaemin looked up at the screen, trying to watch along but it was pointless. None of the dialogue was processing in his head.

About two minutes later he spoke. “Can you tell me why everyone hates me?”

Nothing. Jaemin felt like crying again.

“Donghyuck. You obviously know something.” His voice cracked. “Please tell me why everyone hates me.”

His friend’s jaw clenched, taking a few seconds before grabbing the remote and pausing the show. He turned to face Jaemin.

“I feel like I’m both of your therapists,” Donghyuck laughed. “Renjun called me about two hours ago, did you know that?”

Jaemin shook his head, not knowing what was so funny about this.

Donghyuck rubbed his face with hands before spitting out the truth. “Renjun said he borrowed your laptop this morning to send an email or something when you were at your class because his was being repaired. There were tabs open to your docs and he read all your stories and stuff. Apparently they were all really harmful towards Jeno. So he apparently texted Jeno links to all the docs after practice. That’s why they’re mad at you.”

Okay, now he _really_ felt as if the world was turning against him.

“You can spend the night here but I expect you to be gone in the morning.” Donghyuck got up and left the room.

Donghyuck’s words left him with his tongue feeling too big for his mouth. The thought of Jeno reading his writings brought a terrible feeling to his chest. The thought of his best friend betraying him, not even asking for an explanation before sending them, made his chest feel even tighter. Sharp pain lanced through his head as colorful spots flashed in his eyes, making it difficult to see his surroundings.

It was the second time he began crying today. He couldn't lose Jeno. He couldn’t lose Renjun. He would do anything for the two.

This wasn’t something he could explain to Jeno in one or two sentences. That’s how he knew he really fucked up. He knew he fucked up when it was something that had to take paragraphs to justify. Using the last of his dignity, he got out his phone to text his best friend.

_**Jaemin:** renjun, please talk to jeno and tell him it was all a big misunderstanding. i was so used to my dreams that i was confusing my fantasies with my reality. i know it all sounds fucked up if i don’t explain it enough but please talk to him renjun, i don't want to lose him_  
_**Jaemin:** he’s been making me so happy_

_**Renjun:** are you shitting me right now?_  
_**Renjun:** you literally made a doc titled “everything i would change about jeno”_  
_**Renjun:** you made a doc titled “i wish i never met you”_  
_**Renjun:** do you know how fucked up that is?_  
_**Renjun:** that’s so fucking toxic na jaemin_  
_**Renjun:** you’re so fucking toxic_  
_**Renjun:** writing fantasies about everything you want jeno to be. writing about how discontent you are about your relationship_  
_**Renjun:** you literally wrote scenarios on moments you spent with jeno and then wrote the same scenarios but on how you wanted it to go_  
_**Renjun:** you fucking disgust me_  
_**Renjun:** i can’t believe i’ve called you my best friend for a whole damn year and a half_  
_**Renjun:** don’t fucking talk to me ever again_  
_**Renjun:** i’m requesting a new roommate_

Renjun’s words splintered inside of his body and through his heart, shattering it into bits and pieces. He put his hand over his chest, as if he was trying to patch up the fresh wounds the words created, but he could only feel the pounding from his chest line up with the pounding in his head.

So he cried. He cried until he felt like he couldn’t cry any longer. Tonight he didn’t know what to dream about.

Jaemin planned on tagging along to practice again the next day, but those plans obviously got ruined. Renjun still wasn’t talking to him. He tried to text Jeno again but he was still blocked. That wasn’t going to stop him though. He had to weather the storm he created. He wasn’t going to move on without explaining things to Jeno. He wasn’t going to lose Jeno.

He arrived at the soccer field when practice was over, hiding behind the bleachers for a certain someone to walk out of the locker room. When the familiar brunette was in his sight, he ran out to grab his wrist. Jeno turned around, making eye contact with Jaemin, until snapping his hand back and picking up his pace.

“Jeno, you have to listen to me, okay? Think of this as a big misunderstanding.” Jaemin caught up with Jeno who refused to look at him.

“Leave me alone please, Jaemin.”

“Jeno, listen to me!” he shouted, grabbing onto his wrist again, stopping him in his tracks. “You don’t have the full story so if you would let me just explain—”

“Explain what, Jaemin?!” It was the first time hearing Jeno yell. Jaemin slowly let go of his wrist. “How the hell are you going to explain any of those things Renjun sent me?”

“I know, and it’s going to sound insane and crazy and stupid but it all started because of this person I created in my head and then I met you and you exactly resembled the character and then—”

“Then you were upset because I was nothing like him?”

Jaemin went silent. The whole explanation he prepared earlier left his mouth.

“What the hell am I to you?”

“Jeno, please listen—”

“You said in your writing that you wished for me to be honest and talk to you more. Fine, I’ll be honest with you.”

He dropped the drawstring bag in his hand. “You don’t understand how happy I was to meet you. We live in a world where people like us are literally afraid to say who they love! We live in a world where people like us get so much shit for simply loving somebody! All we wanna do is love but they bring hate instead? It will never make sense to me.”

His anger from earlier disappeared, and instead it turned into sadness. Jeno brought his hand up to his cheek, wiping away a sudden tear. 

It was the first time he’s seen Jeno cry.

“I thought I would never find somebody who I would love one day. I thought I would never be in a relationship, simply because I was too scared to tell anybody who I was. And then you suddenly appeared. You made loving seem so easy. Everyone says love is so complicated but it didn’t feel like that with you. But now I understand what they mean.”

Jaemin’s throat stung upon hearing his words. He shook his head, on the verge of tears. “Jeno, please don’t say that.”

Jeno continued. “The one time I found somebody who I thought would love me, I discovered they wanna change everything about me. Do you know how much that hurts? I’ll never be fucking good enough for anybody!”

Jaemin’s eyes fluttered shut hearing Jeno yell. His words were like a slap in the face.

“These past three and a half months I spent with you, finally discovering what love was, finally discovering how amazing it felt… it was all a joke. And the worst part is that I was delusional enough to think that you were starting to love me too.”

Jaemin opened his eyes again, finding Jeno’s face to be just as stained with tears as his.

“How am I supposed to trust anybody now?” 

Jaemin hated the tingling feeling in his stomach. He felt as if all the butterflies that formed throughout his relationship with Jeno were suddenly dying, one by one.

“There were a lot of reasons as to why I didn’t want to go to Italy. But the number one reason was because there were so many amazing people in my life that I refused to leave. And you were the icing on the cake. There was no way I was ever going to leave you. I was sure I was never going to find somebody like you again. You were this angel that appeared in my life and I couldn’t let you go.”

Jaemin wanted to throw up.

“I’m sorry I’m not this outgoing, romantic, expressive person you want me to be. If I could be like that, trust me, I would.”

There were only one or two more butterflies alive in his stomach.

“But I believe changing your personality for somebody else is the worst thing you can do to yourself.”

Now all the butterflies were gone.

“You seriously need some mental help, Jaemin.”

Jeno picked up his bag and walked away. Jaemin wanted to chase him but he felt as if his feet were grounded in quicksand.

“I am starting to love you, Jeno,” he breathily whispered. “I promise I am.”

It was weird to see him on TV. It was even more strange to see a whole stadium, filled with a crowd of 50,000 people cheering for him.

“Has the game started?”

His new roommate, Jisung, sat on the bed with him as he kept his eyes on the laptop.

“Yeah.”

They watched for a few moments until he was hit with a wave of overwhelming emotions. Jaemin put his face in his hands, mentally scolding himself. He told himself he wouldn’t cry about him again. He’s cried too much already.

It’s been three months since the last time he spoke to Jeno on the field. Today was his first game playing on national TV. It was only a few weeks after their argument that Jeno moved to Italy. Jaemin didn’t even know he moved until Donghyuck texted him about it.

Donghyuck said the reason Jeno left was to try it out; everybody was encouraging and pushing him to go. He also said Jeno left as a way to get away from Jaemin. He didn’t like going to practice and seeing the spot on the bench next to Renjun empty. Jeno also said too many things in Korea reminded him of Jaemin.

That part left a dent in his heart.

As for Renjun, he still refused to talk to the other. That day Renjun filed for a new roommate and moved into another dorm. A few days later, he was replaced with Jisung, who was also looking for a new roommate. Jaemin didn’t mind Jisung. The two were starting to become close friends already. Jaemin told him about the situation and Jisung said he understood him and knew he had good intentions.

And as for Dream Boy.

Jaemin no longer writes or daydreams about Dream Boy. He only does about Jeno.

He loves Jeno.

With Jeno being away, his brain finally separated his fantasies from reality.

“We can stop watching if it feels too overwhelming.” Jisung was too nice.

Jaemin nodded and clicked out of the tab, showing a doc of something he wrote about Jeno earlier.

“Is that about him?”

“Yeah, but it’s bad and stupid,” Jaemin laughed, wiping away a tear with the sleeve of his sweater. He closed out of that tab too.

“You cry over him too much. I’m gonna do something about it.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Just you see.”

Jaemin ruffled the younger one’s hair. “I’ll be waiting. It’s late, let’s go to sleep.”

Jisung complied and got up, turned off the lights, and went to his own bed. Jaemin reopened the tab.

_Ever since you left, everything has felt so cold and empty. There are nights where I wake up and fear that you’re gone, but then I see posts about you online. Then I see how you’re going to be on TV soon. Although I wish you were in front of me, you being in front of my screen is good enough for me. It’s confirmation that you still exist. It’s confirmation you’re still in this world, even if you’re not in mine. But this is good for you. It’s good for me. You’re away from me now. You won’t have your feelings hurt anymore. Even though it’s better, it still hurts. Whenever I hear your name or see you online my hands start to shake. I wish I could reach through my screen and hug you and tell you that I love you. I wish you were here with me._

_I wish loving you wasn’t so painful. But if pain can go away, then so can love, right?_

_If there was a way for me to tell you that I loved your shyness, I would definitely tell you. If there was a way for me to tell you that I loved your bad jokes, I would definitely tell you. I wish I could tell you that I love when you cuddle me. I wish I could tell you I love the way you cry with your heart instead of your eyes. I want to tell you I love how you get all excited when you talk about your cat. I love the way you’re always clumsy. I love how you’re so naturally cute even when you don’t even try to be. I love the way your cheeks get all red when someone compliments you. There’s so many things to love about you. I wouldn’t ever want to change the way you dress. I wouldn’t ever want to move a single hair on your head. I wouldn’t ever want to change the way you laugh or smile or talk or cry._

_I wouldn’t want to change a single thing about you._

A few days later he was in his scriptwriting class when he got a text. He discreetly opened his phone and his eyes widened when he saw the receiver. He had to do a double take.

_**Renjun:** hi_

Jaemin did his best not to shriek in the middle of a lecture, quietly slamming his palm on the table repeatedly, earning a few stares from around him.

_**Jaemin:** holy shit_  
_**Jaemin:** hi_  
_**Jaemin:** oh my god_

_**Renjun:** hi_  
_**Renjun:** um_  
_**Renjun:** your roommate found out my school email and emailed me_

His roommate? What was his roommate doing emailing Renjun?

_**Jaemin:** jisung?_

_**Renjun:** yeah_  
_**Renjun:** he sent me all your recent docs from the past three months_  
_**Renjun:** everything you wrote about jeno_  
_**Renjun:** you’re so fucking in love that it’s embarrassing_

He stopped, taken aback by the texts. Why the hell would Jisung send him his writings? And why did the last text make him feel so guilty? He had trouble typing out a response.

_**Jaemin:** i'm sorry_

_**Renjun:** no i'm sorry_  
_**Renjun:** i should have been a better friend and talked it out with you before sending jeno all ur writings_  
_**Renjun:** i ruined ur relationship when there could have been potential_  
_**Renjun:** i’m glad u dropped ur dream boy_  
_**Renjun:** it was about time_

Although Jaemin has been holding a huge grudge at Renjun these past three months, he was also slightly thankful it all happened.

_**Jaemin:** i think it was needed_  
_**Jaemin:** us being separated, that is_  
_**Jaemin:** i hope he’s happier now. i hope he forgot about me_

_**Renjun:** he's moving back soon_

Now he really wanted to really scream.

_**Jaemin:** ur lying_

_**Renjun:** i’m not, his contract says he needs to be on the team for at least three months and he has a few weeks left until he’s officially quitting_  
_**Renjun:** hyuck said playing nationally wasn’t for him and he was having a really hard time adapting to his new life_  
_**Renjun:** he felt so miserable that he needed to move back_

The words on his screen didn’t surprise Jaemin. He could always tell Jeno was very unsure about the whole thing. He wonders that if Renjun never sent him the writings, would Jeno still have left for Italy? Was Jaemin the last ultimatum for his departure?

_**Jaemin:** oh_  
_**Jaemin:** that’s good that he figured it out. i’m sure everyone here misses him_

_**Renjun:** yeah, YOU_  
_**Renjun:** i just forwarded him the email jisung sent me_  
_**Renjun:** he’s rly busy so he might not reply for a bit_  
_**Renjun:** ik ur still in love with him so. idk. maybe he’ll read them and realize it_

Jaemin couldn’t tell if he was happy or worried about that. He feels that if Jeno read them, he wouldn’t believe any of the words. Or maybe he would, but the damage was already done and he wouldn’t have a change of heart again.

_**Renjun:** also pay attention to ur scriptwriting class, ur gonna fail like u did in math last year_

Renjun was still never gonna let him live that down. He missed his best friend.

As the weeks passed by, Jaemin tried not to anticipate Jeno’s arrival. It wasn’t like he was even going to be notified about it unless Renjun or Donghyuck told him. It wasn’t like Jeno would want to see him anyway. Although Renjun sent Jeno the writings, he never said anything about it.

After a long crying and hugging session together, the two best friends made up. Jaemin always found it hard to forgive people easily, but it was always so different with Renjun. Renjun was his kindred spirit afterall, and all kindred spirits go through rough patches together.

They decided that they would room back together once the new school year started. Jaemin was iffy about it at first, afraid of losing Jisung, but Jisung said he was moving into an apartment next school year anyway.

Jaemin couldn’t thank Jisung enough. He thought he was kidding over the whole, _“I’m gonna do something about it”_ pitch but… he literally did something about it. Even though Jisung intended for Jeno to see them and talk to Jaemin about it, at the end of the day, he still got his best friend back and that was good enough for him.

It was a warm evening when there was a knock on his dorm room door. Jaemin was lying on his bed watching videos on his phone while Jisung was at the desk studying.

“I’ll get it,” the younger said, standing up and walking over to the door. Jaemin continued watching his video.

“Hi.”

“Uhh, hi… may I ask who you are?”

Upon hearing Jisung’s question, Jaemin looked at the door to see who it was. 

He felt a butterfly revive in his stomach. He wasn’t seeing correctly, was he? He thought his doctor said he had 20/20 vision.

Jaemin turned off his phone and sat up from his bed while the familiar pair of eyes met with his.

“I’m here for your roommate if that’s alright.”

Jisung turned back to look at Jaemin when he suddenly put the pieces together. “Oh! Yes. Of course. I was actually about to leave for… to get a new lampshade. Ours is broken.”

The boy slipped on his shoes and squeezed past the other boy. The brunette waved at the dashing kid, later closing the door behind them. Neither one of them spoke as he made his way over to Jaemin, getting distracted at the fact that their lampshade was, indeed, broken.

“Hm,” the boy laughed, bringing his hand up to admire the oddly shaped dent. “How’d this happen?”

Jaemin had a hard time trying to speak. “That’s a good question. We genuinely have no idea.”

Another small laugh escaped from the brunette boy. Their eyes met again and Jaemin immediately looked down at his lap. He felt like he didn’t deserve to look at him.

“Can I sit?”

Jaemin nodded. The two were now facing each other with crossed legs on opposite ends of the bed. It gave him a sense of deja vu, reminding him of the first official time they hung out. He still looked just as amazing, if not more. He was wearing a black turtleneck vest and a white shirt with flowy sleeves underneath, along with black skinny jeans. His hair was parted and pushed back almost like a messy comb over—different from how he usually wore it. He usually just let it down, did a simple part, or sometimes he would curl it a bit. He was gorgeous. More guilt washed over Jaemin as he thought about how he let himself lose this beautiful boy.

“Did you know in Italy most businesses and shops are closed like… from 1:00 to 4:00 in the afternoon? I swear like, you really have to plan out your day if you wanna go somewhere. And then they close at like… seven? It was the most bizarre thing.”

Jaemin simply nodded at Jeno’s icebreaker, still looking down at his lap and fumbling with his fingers.

More silence passed by until he spoke again. “I read your writings.”

Another butterfly revived.

“Okay,” he whispered. It’s like all the air from his lungs escaped, allowing him not to speak. Jaemin coughed. He finally looked at Jeno, trying to avoid him saying anything about the writings. “How was your time in, um. Italy.”

“It was okay,” he answered truthfully. “It was fun playing with the team but it was also really intimidating. They were all so good that it made me feel a bit insecure. Playing during actual games was scary but thrilling. I had trouble adjusting to the culture in Italy and the language barrier was really frustrating. I could barely even communicate to my teammates. I had no friends because of it so it was just very lonely and terrifying. I wasn’t happy missing home so much everyday so I came back. I don’t regret my decision.”

A slight smile broke from Jaemin’s face. “That’s good. I’m glad you’re back.”

Jaemin swore there was silence almost every time someone finished speaking.

“I heard you and Renjun made up.”

“Yeah,” a full smile was now on his face. “I’m really happy. I missed him so much.”

“Good. He was happy about it too.”

More silence.

“Jeno?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he said with watery eyes. Jaemin didn’t know how Jeno made him so emotional. Jisung was really right when he said he cried over Jeno too much. 

He refused to look at Jeno again. “I’m sorry for hurting you so much. You deserved none of it. I was so… obsessed with this… this thing I created that I… I used you, I guess. I was so confused with my feelings at that time.”

He was anxious about not getting a reply right away. If there was one thing he wanted right now, it would be for Jeno to say he forgives him. But Jaemin knew he didn’t deserve his forgiveness.

“You idiot.”

Jaemin let out a breathily laugh as relief washed off his shoulders.

“God, do you know how many hours I spent crying?” The two boys were now looking at each other with small smiles. “And I never fucking cry. It was so weird. I was kinda freaking myself out.”

Jaemin laughed again as he wiped away a tear. “Jeno, if you came here to forgive me then I want to say right now, you really don’t have to. I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

“Jaemin, I read three months worth of your writings that you never even intended for me to see. It took me like… two and a half hours just to get through them all. It was touching. Honestly I don’t know why I came here. I guess I just… don’t want you crying over me anymore. You don’t have to worry about you hurting me anymore. You’ve written far too many sappy poems and letters about me that I think your heart should take a break from it.”

He shot him a quizzical look. “But I did hurt you. I do worry about it. You don’t forgive me, do you?”

Jeno hesitated on his answer. “I don’t know. Yes and no. I know all your writings were genuine and… agh. Now I’m the one confused.”

His response was completely understandable, but Jaemin wanted a direct answer. He wanted Jeno to say yes. So he came up with a mission.

“Will you let me prove to you that I love you?”

“Hm?”

“I can only convey so much with words. Let me prove that I love you, Lee Jeno. Let me prove that I love you and not some stupid figment of my imagination. Please?”

A smile was back on Jeno’s face. Jaemin loved that smile so much.

“Okay.”

All the butterflies were back in his stomach and they were all alive.

“Bam.”

The four boys looked at the envelope Jeno randomly put down on the table. 

It was four months later and Renjun, Jaemin, Mark, Donghyuck were at Jeno’s apartment. They were all sitting on the floor around the coffee table, instructed by Jeno. It was midsummer and none of them had to worry about school anymore.

“What’s this?” Donghyuck asked, grabbing the envelope but Jeno learned over and snatched it, setting it on the table in front of Jaemin.

“Eh, eh, eh. Jaemin gets to open it.”

Donghyuck pouted as Jaemin raised his eyebrows, looking up at his boyfriend sitting next to him. Jeno nodded and signaled him to continue. He grabbed the envelope and ripped the seal, taking out it’s contents.

“What is it?” The comment came both from Renjun and Mark simultaneously, as nobody could see it since Jaemin was holding the slips of paper in front of the envelope.

He looked back up at Jeno. “What is this?”

He knew what it was, but he was baffled at what it was for.

“Remember when I went to Italy for tryouts and I texted you that we should go there together some day?”

Renjun gasped and stole it out of Jaemin’s hands. “Holy shit. You’re kidding, right?”

“You’d be surprised how much money I made just in three months on the team.”

Renjun set the five plane tickets down on the table as Donghyuck immediately took it. “We’re going to Italy?!”

“Jeno, are you serious?” The brunette looked at boyfriend and nodded, kissing him on the forehead.

“We leave in two weeks.”

Jaemin's jaw dropped in disbelief. It has only been a little more than a month since they officially started dating but his boyfriend already spoiled him so much. And not in the materialistic way—although Jeno has spoiled him with gifts a few times, he was much more spoiled with Jeno’s love. He definitely preferred that over gifts.

Jaemin looked at the four others in the room, already discussing what they wanted to do first in Italy. Jaemin wrapped his arms around his boyfriend from the side and leaned his head on his shoulder. The other brought his hand up to Jaemin’s hair, combing his fingers through the soft strands as he started suggesting some places they should go. Every single thing about this moment felt perfect. 

Jeno may not have originally been the love from Jaemin’s dreams, but it didn’t matter to him anyway.

Because Jeno wasn’t a dream.

He was real.


End file.
